As the holiday comes closer and a new year is to begin, I have to wonder why I keep reaching out to certain people. I have to decide with the new year, new beginnings etc.. if it is worth it.
When you instantly connect with someone, have a connection, at least for me, it means reaching out building on that, whether in friendship or whatever form, even creatively and in whatever way your heart and common sense faith tell you. As an empath who picks stuff up, I hate to give up on someone, on a connection, when my instincts tell me they have ideas about how to be a team creatively and also want a true blue deep and profound friendship. I realize they have been going through stuff, making major changes to their lives, at least that is my sense of things and I am doing my best to be aware of that, which is why I have not given up on this particular connection yet, not decided to erase it from my psyche as if we had never met or connected. I feel there is lots of potential in this connection for deep friendship, and also creatively. It is a beautiful yet also frustrating thing. I can only reach out over and over again so many times and see nothing come back, nothing on their part that directly says, yes I would like to move forward with friendship etc… I know I wear my heart on my sleeve in expressing myself, my views etc… and that can be overwhelming for some, but it is who I am, will always to some extent be, even as an artist. I will gladly show them my life pain, tears etc… in each performance as I feel it, heart on my sleeve. What do I do?
The new year is coming and that means new beginnings and it also means not repeating patterns. It means not reaching out indefinitely with nothing in returning to you, even friendship wise. It means realizing my dreams and hopes artistically, cultivating my voice, and putting myself out there to the world no matter how great or not great it goes. It is a time, the new year to determine who to have in your life and not to have, who has shown they want to be a part of your life, appreciate you, your gifts, talents. Those who can not, do not, choose not to, well it they who lose not me. They lose out on an amazing cheerleader and what could have been, had it been cultivated a deep friendship etc… It is sad when you see something you know has such potential not bloom and at some point having to say goodbye to it, leave at the side of the road. However, if you have reached out as much as you can and the door is firmly shut, then nothing you can do but move on, wish them all the best in life and move on.
Namaste, Shalom and Amen