Why Enablers Enable?

mourning us

Some might wonder why and enabler would even enable, even someone enabling their kid never to grow to take on full life responsibility to take flight, be a full independent adult, create a co-dependent life long relationship, or why enable an addict?  Why would someone keep someone from realizing their full potential as an artist, a manager let’s say or even put one’s self in a box and never fly?

The enabler may not even have any clue in the first place they are being an enabler.  They may see it as something totally different.  The parent who creates a co-dependent relationship so the child never grows may see it  as love, as keeping the child safe  by keeping them close, if there was a breakup, guilt might also play a part. and they may overcompensate, never treating them like an adult. At some point the person’s life is nothing like what they envisioned when they were young and they realize, illumination comes and they have to grow up suddenly.  That co-dependent relationship whether parent-child or sibling co-dependent has to change.  The enabler of the addict, they may have guilt issues about what led the addict to the addiction, feeling that they are to blame for the addiction in the first place, something the addict reinforces a manipulative tool to get what they need to sustain the addiction.  There is a darkness of the soul within the enabler that they are carrying perhaps about why they enable the addiction.  There may also be, if there is a sense of shame, even from a religious standpoint, the notion of neighbors finding out if the child or spouse goes to treatment is so strong that the enabler/s just turn a blind eye or cover it up, try to be rehab center themselves.  If you have a really selfish enabler or perverted enabler, the addiction serves the purpose of controlling the person, of allowing them to justify treating them in a negative way, exploiting them as they wish for gain or whatever reason they might have.  The enabler may have his or her own issues, and “demons” they are contending with as well and that is something also in some cases to understand, though in some the enabler is just rotten to the core such as in the case of a sex trafficker .

 This issue of enabling can get quite complex, but it is an important one to examine.  In our society we have a lot of enabling going on in so many ways it is scary and enabling is not just about drugs, but it can also be about enabling immaturity, enabling the inability to handle life’s punches, kicks and riptides, which it seems our young people are not able to do, not when you have to have a sign about triggers at a presidential debate.  It is time to stop enabling on so many levels in our society and take a good look at what kind of people we wish to create, and what kind of society.