Woke Up With a Funny Feeling

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I have been feeling odd the past few weeks and even wanting to write songs that were not very uplifting, not really, which is not my usual style.  I was not quite sure what was going on, but then today I realized it when I saw this quote.  I realize I regret what could have been and wasn’t, as well as what was and should not have been because I did not listen to sacred truth, guidance, insisting on doing life my way, being impulsive in so many ways.  Decisions were made that were not authentic to the path I was really anointed to be on and I never took the time to really understand what ministry was meant to be in my life, how I was perhaps meant to combine teaching, coaching and the arts, how to train and prepare.  Now, I find myself with a life I don’t recognize as one I thought would be, which is a bit sad.  Not to say I can’t still do something very constructive with it, but if I had really found the right spiritual center early on in my life, had solid spiritual mentorship, followed true Holy Spirit guidance to understand all of this, my choice of where to study and other things would have been different and my life path would have been different.  I would now be living a life as I was meant to live, having been a blessing to a much greater extent.  I do hope that now I can change all that and I can open my heart, spirit and soul fully to total surrender to divine sacred guidance not fighting a fight that can not in the end be won, or if it is won at the cost of my very soul because in fighting against the tide of what I was likely anointed to in life by the Creator I have lost parts of my very soul, of my very self, and my health.  I only just now realize that.   Though it is a sad realization, it is one I have to accept and move forward with the best I can with what I have got from this moment on. and I hope my health can now begin to truly get on the mend.